Anyway, a few days before the Lehman Moment of 2008, I was in a typical argument on Natural Pigments forum with some of the smartest painters in the world, all learning how to paint like Old Masters by purchasing the Goya palette from George O’Hanlon. Thankfully George has analyzed by looking at Goya’s Self Portrait all the original pigments Goya had on his palette when he painted his immortal masterpieces. We can, of course, be certain that he used the same palette for all his paintings. This is what he was telling us in the painting above, as people deeply knowledgeable in the minds and habits of all Old Master painters like George have told us. Rush in your order today and grind up the pigments George sends you and in no time at all you’ll be painting like Goya. Just like everyone else attending the New Academies.
You need to also buy the piece of glass and carborundum and paint grinder and some of his fantastic Old Master oils and make your own paint. It’s worth making your own paint. I’d find a more reasonable source for buying pigments, where the prices aren’t so inflated. Maybe Amazon. They do some great art supply discounts.
But I digress. Back to the Natural Pigments debates. I was taking some blows, believe me. Defending David Hockney’s theories. Trying to argue about why de Kooning and Resnick were great artists. And Hockney pretty good. A pretty indefensible position I realized as they weren’t any of these things. But I gave it the old school try. Stick up for the old Alma Mater and what not. Not that they ever did anything but crush me flat. No gain, without pain though, as Swami Bolshevananda told me in one of my opium dreams.
Well, they were all kicking my ass pretty good. When I told one of them he was out of line for calling Lucian Freud and Francis Bacon artists who made paintings for sodomites, I thought I might have peeled off one or two to join my arguments. But anti-homosexual remarks were apparently fine with the Forum Master, Kenneth Freed, who was a great defender of freedom of speech regarding things he himself didn’t give a shit about.
Well, by now I’m fucking invulnerable when it comes to that kind of shit. All part of taking the blows and eventually started to really kick ass toward the end of my tenure there when I finally told the Forum Leader he didn’t have the foggiest notion what he was talking about in regard to Peter Paul Rubens. IMHO. I pointed out his obvious deficiencies as politely as I could. No name calling or bad language (couldn’t write “fucking invulnerable”, e.g.). I was complying with these restrictions as I’d been throughout even though unnamed trolls were allowed to call me an arrogant bully and liar. Sticks and stones, up to a point. The point at which I was unable to answer in kind due to the Forum Leader terminating discussion.
I invariably chose the gentlemanly approach. Decorum and fine manners must, of course, prevail and triumph in these days when people by and large have no opinion whatsoever that they have borrowed from some art critic about anything having to do with art. Politeness is de rigeur and I remained tranquil and firmly well within the rules of the forum’s guidelines of conduct.
Nevertheless I was kicked off anyway for some bogus reason. As I recall it was the fact that I’d brought up the fact I had a masters degree from SAIC in painting. At the time I was defending American Art schools, as Forum Master Kenneth Freed had cast aspersions on my old alma mater, as well as every other art school, for not having prepared artists with the academic training necessary for being able to paint like Peter Paul Rubens. An achievement he was claiming to have arrived at after much paint grinding (pigment naturally supplied free of charge by George in return for his services as Mentor to the ignorant artists like myself who had wasted their time in an American Graduate School rather than attending Academies in Rome or Florence, or the Gage Academy and the like up here in the US. Study with the New American Masters…. like Kenny Boy.
I hope I’m boring everyone to death so they fall back asleep instead of reading what’s coming up in the next paragraphs.
Anyway, while I was arguing with the collectivity of boneheads I predicted that Lehman Brothers would collapse within the week (which would set up a daisy chain effect bringing down the global banking system). Nobody had the foggiest notion what I was talking about. Who was Richard Fuld? What was Lehman Brothers? Did they make Old Master oil paint in small batches in a basement in New Jersey competing with Robert Doak? Well. Been there. Done that. Check it out. I’ll never go back there myself, so it could have been scrubbed for all I know as it’s 8 yrs. ago now.
I only bring it up in regard to the collapsing European banks getting crushed in the worst 2-day plunge ever. Italian Banks to get taxpayer bailout. Soros betting against Deutsche Bank, etc. But relax. I’m quite certain that if the European Banks collapse it won’t have the same effect on American Banks as the American Banks collapsing had on European Banks. The taxpayer bailout will shore them up just as our taxpayers bailout shored up our own hollow banking system and restored it the the health and magnificence of today where stress tests show there is nada to worry about.
Google “european banks collapsing” and read all about it. Fuck if I’m going to keep feeding everybody links, particularly since you’re too uninterested to read them. As you are already clear sighted enough and free of all delusions and pretty much have everything sized up even though you never bother to inform yourselves about anything. Why should you? After all you’re great artists and what do great artists need to know about the real world. Or if not geniuses yet, you’re well on your way. Just need to pick up some old master pigments and special original old master mediums made from the original recipes.
De Kooning used safflower oil he bought at the grocery story… it has the advantage of never drying, unlike the safflower oil actually competent artists in the past used. De Kooning. A great American genius. Right up there with his ancestors Rembrandt, Vermeer and van Gogh. Better, actually, as he had the good sense to move to America when he was young and get a job as a commercial illustrator. And triumph over the entire tradition, believe it or not. It’s in the history books!
Do the hustle, baby. Do the hustle. Just keep on doin’ it. It’s working out fine.
But, seriously kids. This is real scary stuff. Whatever you do, please stay away from “European Banks Collapsing”. Let the experts handle it. They know what they’re doing. Same as George O’Hanlon and Kenneth Freed. Check them out at Natural Pigments. You too, can paint like Goya! Believe in yourselves! Believe in George and Ken! It’s a roundtable of some of the most brilliant minds in the country who are at the center of the New Renaissance that is going on in the arts here in America.
Here’s one by Kenny Boy himself. (Kenny Boy is a reference to Kenneth Lay, George W’s biggest pal over at Enron. Another completely secure corporation. Kenny Boy was the largest donor to W’s election campaign, funding him in Texas and so on. Wink)
Note the resemblance to Rubens in the mastery of highlights and skin tones. The zombie- like look in the self-portrait is no doubt an accurate depiction of the artist’s mental state in general, not to mention when he was painting it. Wish I could go back and resume the arguments of yesteryear a let them know about the banking collapse in Europe. Get the reaction. No doubt it would be just like the one Ken depicts above.
Anybody have a clue as to what that stupid looking head is behind him that he’s painted in such stunning similarity to the chiaroscuro effects of da Vinci? Beats the hell out of me. It’s fantastic how he’s added the “modern” touch of the hard diagonal in tribute to the trendy abstract painters of the past he no doubt copied when he was younger so as to fit in with the art school trends of the time. Just as he’s doing his OM schtick to fit in with the art school trends of today. Apparently in some sectors of the vast Art Metropolis we live in, the Neo-cademic New Masters are replacing the fumbling efforts of the Abstractionists, the Picassos, the Dubuffets and Miros and so on down the linet.
You can read all about in Donald Kuspit’s End of Art. (google it lazybones). Donald knows everything about art there is to know. Just like Robert Hughes and Arthur C. Danto. Basically anybody who has had a book published on art along with having a “high position” as an art critic writing for Time Magazine (Hughes) or The Nation magazine (Danto). The great man himself, Clement Greenberg, penned his immortal purple prose for The Nation. The Liberals (Far Left back back in the 40s when CG wrote) have built a great Cahedral of Art. Thank you, Liberals! May you reign forever, even though you’re to the right of the Neoconservatives it’s certain you’ll keep up the fine standards in art you’ve supported right on down the line, through used condoms to sodomy and gomorrah. Art, art, baby. Cold as ice. Blacker than the blackest dark knight of the Soul.
Middle of the night. I’m raving again. Just ignore all the above. Take a nap. Go back to sleep. Deep and gentle. Sleep, sleep, sleep… The Sleep of Reason. Here’s your Old Master, you art aficionados you:
Cropped off, wouldn’t you know. But who cares? Certainly not me. I don’t want to see that massive black hovering shape above all these, let’s face it, really clumsily drawn owl like things. Learn to draw, man! How are you going to get across your message with that kind of clunky figure? Fortunately, in America we have academies that teach much more convincing figure drawing and painting methods. Masterpieces surpassing El Sueno de la razon produce monstruos, whatever that means are tumbling out pell mell and straight into the collections of the Rubellicons and such. We’re crossing our Rubellicon as I write. Is that a French word? Rubellicon? Those Frenchies bungled art completely. School of Paris. Phooey on you! But we’ve set it straight. Wasn’t easy. Took boatloads of cash. But it’s all back on track and movin’ like a locomotive at full speed. Where are we headin’? For the next big breakthrough!
No doubt! Have faith!
Or perhaps jump off the train before it goes over the cliff. Figuratively speaking of course. It’s not a real train. There is no “cliff”. They’re figments of La Reve. La Revolution. La Permanente Revolucion de la Avant-Gardismo. American-style. Dance, monkeys, dance! You’re free! All races and religions and political beliefs are welcome! Freedom from Communist rule! Free from Sharia Law! Free to express yourselves in the style that conveys your deep joy and happiness and individualism through dance style choice.
I’m not going to even read back through these posts and correct typos, grammar and such. I don’t even care if it makes sense. Nothing I write makes any sense. Babblings of a madman. Just like Flaubert in his memoirs: “Doubt…is an illness that comes from knowledge and leads to madness.”
Ok… here we go, art lovers. Kiss it. It has magical properties! The muse!:
Oh, sorry ladies, it’s my natural sexism. As hard as I try to get it under control. Apologies. Here’s something to inspire you as well:
Note to Shep: Berman’s Dark Ages geniuses haven’t even mention the europcollapse yet. Right on top of things, as usual. They’re too far advanced in the future world to be tracking what’s going on in the present, apparently.