Who Is the Stupidest?

barry_diller_shankbone_metropolitan_opera_2009Barry Friggin’ Diller, in da house

I really think that these genius-level network guys, whatever their names are…Let’s say Barry Diller… .should be pickin up on what’s happenin in art these days. Barry should really get his ass on the ball before his competitors beat him to this great idea that is surely going to happen at some point. Mark my words! I am always right!

Imagine a Bravo TV show that doesn’t center solely around who the next big art star will be. Instead it could be a combination of that and “Who’s the Biggest Loser?”.  The show could be called… let’s see… How about “Who’s the Stupidest Conceptual Artist?” Or perhaps even a conceptual artist himself can make a youtube show with that title that he submits to the virtual public of the youtube. The competition would, I guarantee you, be intense.

The big question facing everyone at the start of each show would be: “Who can take the bar even lower than the previous nitwit did?” At the end of each season there’d be a final showdown between the winners of each show. (It’s incredibly bad luck that Trump is no longer available to host, as he’d be a natural for this given his masterful performances as himself on The Apprentice.

I think the first couple shows should feature, just like American Idol did, a great pioneering conceptual artist from the past, one who broke so many barriers allowing art to jump forward into the bright future of today! All New!! All the Time!!

I’d also suggest that the first star in the first show of the first season should be Larry Weiner (any relation to Anthony Weiner?, our stellar member of the Democratic Party, with the stellar member… at least in his opinion). Sorry to digress, but this guy cracks me up. What’s he going to do for his next act I wonder. I think that Anthony Weiner, had he gone into conceptual art like his brother (at least in spirit) Lawrence, that he could have no doubt changed the entire course of art history.


(Sorry Larry, if you aren’t related to Anthony my apologies for associating you with another Weiner. You’re a big enough Wiener all by himself as you I can tell listening to your video).

Lately, I like to pop a couple marijuana edibles and watch this great conceptual stuff. It’s so far out, it’s outta site. And really groovy as well. Plus it’s fall out of the chair funny. I foresee that if Larry Weiner is introduced to an audience larger than this Youtube minor league venue, the sky’s the limit on his rise to celebrity status. I imagine his own dais with incense burning as he preaches to the illuminated disciples, backed by go go dancers in cages. Guest appearances on Oprah leading to PBS specials where he dispenses the secrets of Art to the NPR and PBS art lovers? Why not? I’d watch. Hell. I’d pay to watch. I’d even subscribe to HBO just to watch this stuff. He’s sure better than Wayne Dyer in my book. Hal Holbrook too for that matter. Fucking Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain. How about David Schwimmer next? Or hey… why not Lawrence Weiner?

Feeling enlightened?

Focus on these kind of gems: “You have to readapt your own logic just to be abler to communicate with somebody else.” Good try anyway, Larry. But could you readapt the logic the next time so that it makes even a modicum of sense?

Or how about this puzzler? “But wood in the end is wood. And I began in the end to realize that if I could determine sculpture by the use of language it would allow itself to move from culture to culture. And the work has no metaphor. And in having no metaphor it leaves it open for people to use the work to make a metaphor to suit their needs..,. ..”

And if their need for the use of metaphor is to have a metaphor for bullshit then they’ll certainly have those needs met in spades by the  “art” work of Larry Weiner.

Stand back kids! And hopefully viewing audiences if Barry or one of his colleagues (Is Al Gore still in the biz?) gets on the stick and gets this unfairly neglected artist into the public eye speaking and talking and making art that will guide us from the perilous path we’ve taken back to the Blissful World of the American Capitalist Cultural Utopia. There have been times when I was really stoned (or in a state similar to Lawrence Weiner’s permanent state) and I could stare at just one of these enlightened “sculptures determined by the use of language” below and feel I was in the presence of Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights. The complexity and incredible visual power of Weiner’s thoughts, made into language sculptures is really mindblowing if one is in the proper receptive mode. So if you’re coked or flipped out on angel or meth  (like the collectors and art critics who were gaga for this stuff when it first arrived) or even in a Pollock-like drunken stupor this stuff will take you to the moon and mars as you sail around the planets with the universe as your playtoy.


And if that doesn’t do it. Just listen to this at the same time you view these language sculptors of yore. Ted Nugent and his Amboy Dukes.

And Ted is still way out there rockin’ it half a century later. I imagine if Lawrence Weiner were to impart his political acumen to audiences it would be somewhere in this territory (but no doubt more political correct.)

And, really, kids… cut back on that stuff. This is a warning I’m sending you.  Don’t think that what happened to Ted Nugent and Lawrence Weiner won’t happen to you. It may be super groovy now, just like it was for them when they were young. But look kids! This kind of brain damage happened to countless poor souls led down the Yellow Brick Road to the Palace of the Wizard.

It had me in its grips back in those long gone days of my fever dream of an adolescence.  Even now when I hear Ted and the Amboys break into their rousing numbers I can’t help but grab my walker and gyrate around the room wearing my Nascar hat and shooting off a few rounds into the ceiling.  But no! This will not stand! Liberals to the Battle Stations! The Reaganite Liberals led by Hillary and Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders and Gloria Steinem! The Revolution is at hand! Get out the Starbucks mug and Andy Warhol endorsed (see below) Big Whoppers! A Mighty Storm’s a Gatherin’! Onwards to Selma… or where the fuck to now? Point me at the bridge! Take to the Pilot as Elton Sang! Take me to the pilot of your soul! Deep stuff. Note the metaphors.

Speaking of metaphors, what’s Shephard Fairey been up to lately? Let’s see. I just love it when major contemporary artists can capitalize on whatever the latest cause is by cashing in on silkscreened t-shirts. This guy leaves Andy Warhol in the dust as a blatant commercialization of his artwork. But what else is the definition of a great Contemporary Artist?

This kind of stuff makes me laugh so hard it keeps me cheery through much of the day. I’m thinking of getting the We the People Dignity t-shirt as nothing makes me feel more dignified than wearing a politically correct t-shirt just like everyone else is wearing to show that I “honor all types of people” and am looking to “spark conversation surrounding the 2016 political campaign.”

Since so far I have utterly failed in my efforts to spark conversation surrounding the 2016 campaign, I can’t find anyone who has any notion of how to converse about art. “C0nversation surrounding the 2016 political campaign”? Yes. That’s what Shephard or his copywriters say on the website.


And speaking of Warhol, here he is eating a hamburger. Pretty exciting. As far as conceptual art goes, Andy’s one of the more riveting. Just watch.:

The great thing about these videos is that you can experience directly exactly what it would be like to have lunch with the greatest American Artist of the 20th Century. Plus you can also experience what the conversation would have been like.



This next guy is great too. A major figure in Britain. Here he is at the height of his game  giving advice to the next generation of art stars.

“Focus on the work. …Don’t think about anything else. Just think about the work.”…erm… (pause for deep thoughts) “Try and think about the project, rather than the finished work.” (shut eyes. pause. Notice similarity between this guy’s speaking style and Bruce Nauman’s in the previous posts). “So set yourself a project and focus on that.” “And don’t think about the finished art work…. The artwork is the residue of a process…. rather than something you see and then have to realize……. Thereafter.”….”And..and… enjoy being an artist.” “Being an artist is the best life you can have… if you want to be an artist……This is definitely not for everybody that’s for sure.”… Well that’s the first 1:14 minutes of i.

The mind reels at this point. But fear not. In my next post, Ill transcribe the remaining 4 plus minutes. These are the kind of words that artists need to take heed of if we’re going to keep moving forward as a culture.

You can just hear Titian delivering this kind of speech to their students. And Rembrandt  picking up the torch and passing it on down the line to artists of today like David Shrigley, who with the aid of our great cultural institutions and contemporary artists alike have kept it lit and are passing on to the next generation of art geniuses.

I just can’t wait to pick up the next issue of Art Forum and Juxtapoz and Art News!

Peace OUT, ye Groovy Ones. “Hello lampost! What ya knowin’? I’ve come to watch your flowers growin’! Ain’t you got no rhymes for me. Twit n doo doo. Feelin’ Groovy!” Who says white guys don’t have soul? And Paul Simon was robbed of the Nobel Prize for Literature by that faux-poet Dylan. Simon is the poet! Or was it Garfunkel?

“Twit and doo-doo. Feelin’ groovy.” These guys were way ahead of their times.

About trueoutsider

I'm an artist.
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2 Responses to Who Is the Stupidest?

  1. Eric Wayne says:

    I like the songs and dislike the interviews. I also thought Lawrence Weiner belongs to a category: “profoundly stupid” whereas Warhol belongs to “vacuously stupid”. Weiner presents everything as overwhelmingly profound, but it ends up sounds kinda’ stupid. Warhol pretends to be completely superficial in the hopes we assume it signifies underlying brilliance, but ends up sounds stupid and boring. I’m still giving the grand prize to Captain Ballsack.

  2. trueoutsider says:

    “Warhol pretends to be completely superficial….” Ah. There is the question. At least for me.
    I’m going to do another post to examine that.

    I do think you’ve hit upon an important distinction between the outright dummy types like Johns, Rauschenberg, Shrigley, Warhol, etc. who make all kinds of banal and “dumb” comments as if that behind their “ironical” comments reside a pool of vast intelligence and artistic knowledge… And the other group who lard whatever they say with totally incomprehensible gibberish into which they make references to Wittgenstein, Quantum Physics, the Frankfurt School, psycholinguistics, Baudrillard, ad infinitum as if any of the things they’re referencing need to be understood before one is to understand the profound genius of a pile of bricks laid out on a gallery floor. Of as if they’ve actually bothered to read any of the writers they’re referencing, much less understand what they’ve read.

    For example, does anybody who’s read Wittgenstein or Baudrillard understand what they’ve written?

    One of Wittgenstein’s early disciples, A.J. Ayer, said years after being one of LW’s major disciples that most of what he and the other enthusiasts gathered around Russell and Wittgenstein (neither of whom agreed with the other), was completely false or nonsensical. When I was in art school at the height of conceptualism, everybody was (purportedly) reading Wittgenstein, as he was the philosopher a la mode for art forum writers then. Baudrillard was the big name later on.

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